Then why do these tears come at night?

I used to cry a lot at night. I don’t anymore.

I don’t think people grow up and just stop grieving.

Maybe we all learn different ways to grieve.

So much thinking…

1) We aren’t bad people. You weren’t a bad person. I wasn’t a bad person. We were just bad together. We turned each other into the bad people that we hated because we could not love both the other person and ourselves at the same time.

We were sad. We were lonely. We were angry.

We weren’t bad people.

2) I’ve heard a lot about people saying “growing up” comes with “waking up”.

I whine a lot about being the eldest. But I know if I were the younger one, I wouldn’t care what my elder sibling/ cousin/ friend did. I would still do my own thing. But what I do get is to watch those younger than me grow up.

And that makes me wake up.

You guys fight to get somewhere, to be somebody. There is so much pressure to get over negative feelings of stress and sadness and anger and loneliness and get what you want.

Well, I believe you will all get what you want.

The truth is, you will either get what you want, or you won’t. A roll of the dice, the flutter of a butterfly, the winds of chance…perhaps you will get it and perhaps you won’t and no one on earth can guarantee you one or the other. Even God, who knows what will happen will not tell you. He can just give you strength to get there.

I think it is because humanity, the universe and God knows that it doesn’t matter if you get what you want or not. It doesn’t matter if you are wallowing in sorrow or unbelievably blissful at every moment. It doesn’t matter if we become “somebody”.

Because at some point you will look back and say “Well, that was great, what now?” or “Well, that sucked, what now?”

And now is all that matters.